Privacy Policy

Privacy, without all the bullshit

Last updated: November 1, 2026

Nobody visits Smartass Goods because they’re dying to read a privacy policy. We get it. But running an online store requires us—and the companies that help us run it—to collect and process certain information about the people who visit, shop, create accounts, contact us and otherwise interact with the site.

So here’s the deal, without making you dig through seventeen pages of legal mumbo jumbo.

Smartass Goods operates this store and website, including the information, content, features, tools, products and services we provide through it (collectively, the “Services”). Our store is hosted and powered by Shopify, which helps us provide those Services.

This Privacy Policy explains what personal information we collect or process, where it comes from, how we use it, when we may disclose it and what choices or rights you may have.

If there is ever a conflict between our Terms of Service and this Privacy Policy regarding the collection, processing or disclosure of your personal information, this Privacy Policy controls.

By accessing or using the Services, you acknowledge that you have read this Privacy Policy and understand the practices described here.

What We Know About You

When we say “personal information,” we mean information that identifies you or can reasonably be linked to you. Information that has been properly anonymized or de-identified so that it can no longer reasonably be connected to you isn’t considered personal information.

Depending on how you interact with Smartass Goods, the features you use, where you live and what applicable law permits or requires, we may collect or process the following categories of information:

• Contact information, such as your name, billing address, shipping address, phone number and email address.
• Payment and financial information, such as payment card information, transaction details, form of payment and payment confirmation. Payment information may be collected or processed by Shopify and our payment providers rather than stored directly by Smartass Goods.
• Account information, if you create or use an account, such as login credentials, preferences and account settings.
• Shopping and transaction information, such as products you view, place in your cart, save where that feature is offered, purchase, return, exchange or cancel, along with information about previous transactions.
• Communications with us, including information you provide when contacting us with a question, problem, compliment, complaint or other message.
• Device and technical information, such as information about your device, browser, network connection, IP address and other identifiers.
• Usage information, including information about how and when you browse, navigate and interact with the Services.

In some cases, we may also draw reasonable inferences from this information as permitted by applicable law.

How We Get That Information

Some of it you hand to us. Some of it happens automatically because, well, that’s how websites work.

We may collect personal information:

• Directly from you, such as when you place an order, create an account, contact us, submit a return or exchange request through a form or other tool we provide, sign up for communications or otherwise provide information to us.
• Automatically through the Services, including from your browser or device and through cookies and similar technologies.
• From Shopify and other service providers that help us operate the store, process payments, fulfill orders, analyze website activity, provide customer support or perform other business functions for us.
• From business, advertising or other third-party partners, where permitted by law.

What We Actually Do With It

We’re not collecting information just so we can sit around admiring our impressive collection of information.

Depending on how you interact with us, we may use personal information for the following purposes:

Running the Store and Getting You What You Ordered

We use personal information to provide and improve the Services, process payments and purchases, fulfill and ship orders, manage customer accounts where offered, remember preferences, provide transaction or account notifications, handle returns or exchanges where and when applicable, provide customer support and recommend products or content that may be relevant to you.

We may also use information to understand how customers use the store so we can improve search, product discovery, recommendations and the overall shopping experience.

Marketing, Advertising & Staying in Touch

Where permitted by law and based on your choices, we may use personal information to send marketing or promotional communications and to advertise products or services to you.

This may include email, SMS, WhatsApp or other communications where those options are offered and where you have provided any consent required by law.

We and Shopify may also use information about products you view, purchase or place in your cart, along with other interactions with our store, to personalize advertising, recommendations and shopping experiences.

When Shopify Network Intelligence is enabled, certain Shopify services may also use information from your interactions with Smartass Goods together with information from your interactions with other Shopify merchants and Shopify to provide personalized services, advertising and other features as explained below.

You can unsubscribe from promotional emails at any time using the unsubscribe link included in those messages. Other marketing channels will include the applicable opt-out method where required.

Security and Fraud Prevention

We use personal information to help authenticate accounts, protect transactions, detect or investigate suspected fraud and identify potentially illegal, malicious, unsafe or unauthorized activity.

Basically, we’d prefer that the only questionable behavior happening around here be printed on the shirts.

If you create an account, you are responsible for keeping your login information secure. Please don’t share your password or other account credentials with people who shouldn’t have them.

Communicating With You

We use personal information to answer questions, provide customer support, respond to requests, communicate about orders or accounts and generally maintain our relationship with you.

Legal and Business Reasons

We may use personal information when reasonably necessary to comply with applicable laws, respond to valid legal process or requests from government authorities, participate in litigation or other legal proceedings, investigate potential violations of our terms or policies, or protect our rights and the rights of others.

Who Else May Get It

We don’t operate the entire internet ourselves. That would be exhausting.

We may disclose personal information to third parties when reasonably necessary for legitimate business purposes and subject to this Privacy Policy, including:

• Shopify, payment processors, form and workflow providers, and other vendors and service providers that perform services on our behalf, such as payment processing, technology services, website analytics, cloud storage, fulfillment, shipping and customer support.
• Business, advertising and marketing partners that help us provide marketing, advertising, analytics, personalization or related services.
• Third parties you direct us to use, such as shipping providers, social media services or other integrations you choose to interact with.
• Affiliates or related companies, if any.
• Parties involved in a business transaction, such as a merger, sale, financing, reorganization or bankruptcy.
• Government authorities, courts or other parties when disclosure is required or permitted by law, necessary to respond to valid legal requests, enforce our terms or policies, or protect our Services, Smartass Goods, our customers or others.

Some of these companies—including Shopify and companies that provide services to Shopify or Smartass Goods—may be located in countries other than the country where you live.

Depending on where you live, certain disclosures or uses of personal information for advertising may legally be considered a “sale,” “sharing” of personal information or “targeted advertising,” even though nobody is standing around selling a spreadsheet with your name on it.

Where applicable, you have the right to opt out as described below.

Shopify, Network Intelligence & the Bigger Shopify Ecosystem

Our store is hosted and powered by Shopify.

That means Shopify processes personal information when you visit Smartass Goods, browse products, make purchases, interact with our Services or otherwise use Shopify-powered features.

Smartass Goods has Shopify Network Intelligence enabled.

Shopify Network Intelligence allows Shopify to securely use information from customer interactions with Smartass Goods together with information from customer interactions with other Shopify merchants and Shopify itself to generate insights and provide advanced features Shopify calls Enhanced Services.

These Enhanced Services can include things such as:

• improving search, product discovery and recommendations;
• personalizing shopping experiences;
• improving store performance and analytics;
• detecting fraud and protecting customers and merchants;
• improving marketing and advertising;
• helping determine which products, stores, creators, offers or content may be relevant to customers; and
• improving Shopify products and services.

Smartass Goods uses, or may use, Shopify services that depend on Network Intelligence, including Shopify Search & Discovery, Shopify Collabs and Shopify Messaging.

For example, Search & Discovery helps us provide better product searches and recommendations; Collabs can help us manage creator, affiliate and ambassador relationships; and Messaging can help us communicate with customers who have chosen to receive marketing communications.

To provide these services, information may be shared with and processed by Shopify and other companies that assist Shopify or Smartass Goods. Those companies may operate in countries other than the country where you live.

Shopify may use information from your interactions with Smartass Goods, other Shopify merchants and Shopify to provide services that involve personalization or advertising across different merchants and websites.

Other Shopify merchants do not receive access to Smartass Goods customer data simply because Network Intelligence is enabled.

Shopify’s use of personal information is also governed by the Shopify Consumer Privacy Policy.

You can learn more about information Shopify processes and exercise certain rights directly through the Shopify Privacy Portal.

Cookies, Tracking & Your Choices

Like most online stores, our Services and the companies that help us operate them may use cookies, pixels and similar technologies.

These technologies may be used for things such as:

• keeping the site functioning properly;
• remembering preferences;
• understanding how visitors use the store;
• measuring performance;
• preventing fraud;
• personalizing content or product recommendations; and
• marketing and advertising.

Where required by law, we ask for consent before using non-essential cookies or similar technologies.

When Shopify Network Intelligence is enabled, Shopify uses the privacy choices made through Shopify-supported privacy controls when processing information for Enhanced Services.

For example, where applicable:

• if you decline non-essential cookies, device information from our store will not be used by Shopify Network Intelligence for non-essential purposes covered by that choice;
• if you opt out of sale, sharing or targeted advertising, your activity from our store will not be used by Shopify Network Intelligence for advertising purposes covered by that opt-out; and
• if qualifying personal information is deleted in response to a valid deletion request, Shopify also applies that deletion within Network Intelligence as required.

Your Right to Say “Nope” to Certain Data Uses

Depending on where you live, you may have the right to opt out of the “sale” or “sharing” of personal information or the use of personal information for targeted advertising.

You can exercise applicable rights through our Data Sharing Opt-Out page.

This opt-out can apply to qualifying data uses involving Shopify and other third parties, including targeted advertising based on your activity with different merchants or websites.

If you visit our website with the Global Privacy Control (GPC) opt-out preference signal enabled, we will treat that signal as an opt-out request where required by applicable law for the device and browser you are using.

If Shopify can associate that device with a Shopify account, the opt-out request may also be applied to that account.

You can learn more about Global Privacy Control at https://globalprivacycontrol.org/.

Other than Global Privacy Control where applicable, we do not currently recognize other “Do Not Track” signals sent by browsers or devices.

When You Wander Off Our Website

Our Services may contain links to websites, social media platforms, creator profiles or other online services operated by third parties.

Once you leave Smartass Goods, their house, their rules.

We don’t control the privacy, security, accuracy or reliability of third-party websites, so we encourage you to review their privacy policies and terms before providing them with personal information.

Information you post publicly or semi-publicly on social media or other third-party platforms may also be visible and used by other people according to the rules of those platforms.

A link from Smartass Goods to another website does not automatically mean we endorse everything that website, company or person does.

Children's Privacy

The Services are not intended for children, and we do not knowingly collect personal information from children under the age of majority in the jurisdiction where they live.

If you are the parent or legal guardian of a child who has provided personal information to us, please contact us using the information below so that you can request its deletion.

As of the effective date of this Privacy Policy, we do not have actual knowledge that we “sell” or “share,” as those terms are defined under applicable law, personal information belonging to individuals under 16 years of age.

How We Protect It & How Long We Keep It

We take reasonable steps intended to protect personal information, but no security system is perfect or impenetrable and nobody on the internet should promise otherwise.

Information transmitted over the internet may also be vulnerable while in transit. Please don’t send highly sensitive or confidential information through unsecured communication channels.

How long we retain personal information depends on why we have it and what legal or business obligations apply.

For example, we may retain information for as long as necessary to maintain an account, fulfill transactions, provide the Services, comply with tax, accounting or other legal obligations, resolve disputes, prevent fraud or enforce our agreements and policies.

Your Privacy Rights

Depending on where you live, you may have some or all of the following rights regarding your personal information.

These rights are not absolute and may apply only in certain circumstances. We may also decline or limit a request when permitted by applicable law.

Right to Access or Know

You may have the right to request information about the personal information we maintain about you and, where applicable, obtain a copy of it.

Right to Delete

You may have the right to request deletion of certain personal information we maintain about you.

Right to Correct

You may have the right to request correction of inaccurate personal information.

Right to Data Portability

You may have the right to receive a copy of certain personal information in a portable format or request that it be transferred to another party, subject to applicable limitations and exceptions.

Right to Opt Out of Sale, Sharing or Targeted Advertising

Depending on where you live, you may have the right to opt out of the “sale” or “sharing” of personal information or the processing of personal information for targeted advertising, as those terms are defined by applicable privacy laws.

You can exercise applicable opt-out rights through our Data Sharing Opt-Out page.

You may also use the Shopify Privacy Portal to exercise certain privacy choices directly with Shopify.

Managing Marketing Communications

You can opt out of promotional emails at any time by using the unsubscribe link included in those messages.

Where we offer SMS, WhatsApp or other marketing communications, you can use the opt-out instructions provided through that channel.

Even if you unsubscribe from promotional messages, we may still send transactional or non-promotional communications, such as order confirmations, shipping notices, account information or customer-service messages.

Exercising Your Rights

You may exercise applicable privacy rights through the options provided on our Services or by contacting us using the information below.

We will not discriminate against you for exercising a privacy right.

We may need to verify your identity before completing certain requests, as permitted or required by law.

Where permitted, you may also authorize another person to submit a request on your behalf. We may require proof that you authorized that person to act for you and may still ask you to verify your identity directly.

We will respond to valid requests within the time required by applicable law.

Questions, Complaints & “What the Hell?”

If something about the way we handle your personal information concerns you, tell us.

We’d much rather hear from you than have you sitting there wondering what the hell we’re doing with your data.

Depending on where you live, you may also have the right to appeal a decision we make regarding a privacy request or to submit a complaint to the appropriate local data protection authority.

International Data Transfers

Because Shopify, our service providers and other companies that help operate our store may conduct business in multiple countries, your personal information may be transferred to, stored in or processed outside the country where you live.

This includes information processed by Shopify in connection with Shopify Network Intelligence and Enhanced Services.

Where required by applicable law, transfers of personal information from the European Economic Area or the United Kingdom will rely on recognized legal transfer mechanisms, such as the European Commission’s Standard Contractual Clauses, equivalent UK-approved contractual safeguards or another legally permitted transfer mechanism, unless the information is transferred to a country officially recognized as providing an adequate level of protection.

If We Change This Policy

Things change. Websites change. Laws change. Occasionally, lawyers change things because apparently they enjoy that sort of thing.

We may update this Privacy Policy from time to time to reflect changes to our practices, technology, Services, Shopify features, legal obligations or other operational reasons.

When we do, we will post the revised Privacy Policy on this website, update the Last updated date above and provide any additional notice required by applicable law.

Talk to a Human

If you have questions about this Privacy Policy, our privacy practices or your privacy rights—or you just want clarification about what the hell any of this means—email us at info@smartassgoods.com.

You can also contact us through the Contact page on our website.